YOURS...

AND DEATH IS NOT HOW I WANTED THINGS TO END

BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS WHICH CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH US.

MAYBE THE PAIN WILL GO, BUT THE SCARS WON’T

MAYBE THE MOMENTS WILL PASS, BUT THE MEMORIES WON’T…

YET ANOTHER SPRING AND ANOTHER SUMMER

HAS COME AND GONE IN OUR LIVES.

ITS TIME WE UNLEARN OLD HABITS,

ITS TIME WE DISCARD OLD SHELLS.

ITS TIME WE SEE THE SILVER LINING

HIDDEN BEHIND EVERY DARK CLOUD.

THERE ARE THINGS WE’LL MISS,

THERE ARE TIMES WE’LL CRY

NOTHING COMES EASY, NOT AT LEAST IN LIFE…

BUT DEATH IS NOT HOW I WANTED THINGS TO END

AND ITS TIME I FOUND OUT…

FOUND OUT WHO I AM,

APART FROM BEING “YOURS”.

in poetry...

if i could speak to you in poetry

i would speak of the rustic poems,

that the mango rains and scorching sun

composed for us once upon a time.

when we tiptoed out of home in the afternoon

and ran barefeet unto the meadows

teasing the cows and playing with the herd

our toes playing hide and seek in the grass.

when we chased the sun

and were chased by the moon

we had dreams of running into the horizon...

the chase ended with the day

when the sky grew red 

you wanted to gobble up the sun

you said it would taste like a ripe orange

i cried till you said you would spare it for me.

and i smiled as i believed in you.

blowing of conchshells signalled homecoming

as she welcomed the dusk with oil lamps.

we tiptoed into the house once again

waiting for dawn, and waiting for the chase.

our dusty feet, our eyes full of dreams,

had created poems long back...

only today i would like to recite them all to you,

if i could speak to you in poetry.

incomplete...

Those tattered dreams and scattered memories do taunt

fingers search for the right keys,

but can never strike the perfect note

the tapping of the keyboard,

the disharmony of the piano

words and music flow inadequate

and never accurate.

a heave, a sigh, a new start again...

an eternal try at reaching the perfection

but...for what?

of tears, and songs, and symphonies too short

coz you don't have time for lengthy poems.

a drop of tear to trickle down the cheek...

not two not three.. just a drop.

i sing a song, but suddenly stop.

between my lyrics and my music

i lose the symphony somewhere amidst

my half formed tears, my incomplete songs

my unwritten poems

the care i never showed

were all for lack of time...

time to love, time to know,

and time to care and time to show.

Someday in a different horizon,

when days and nights wud last for long

when you and i have time enough

i will cry all over for you,

i will sing those unsung melodies,

and i will write those poems i promise.

i will show you how much i care.

till then, let my half formed tears, 

my incomplete songs,

and my unwritten poems,

be witness to how incomplete i am without you...

TRANSITION

in joblessness and in gluttony,

in madness and in peace

in losing old ties and forming new ones

in missing home to setting up new homes

in pictures and forgotten promises

in breaking down and in break ups

halts, pauses, stops and ends...

in beginning of days and end of nights

in heat, sweat and contemplation of rain

as soap cases and old bedsheets are left behind

memories peep in from the crumpled sheets

a little bit of that left over perfume

the last drops of the unfinished drinks

a half filled bottle and a half empty room

in late goodbyes and the early goodbye notes

in love, in hatred, in jealousy, in pain...

in empty shelves, and abandoned beds

life is lived in transformation...

rain...

In your eyes I see

Raindrops of the yesteryears

Frozen memories melt.

* P.S. : My first try at haiku!!! 

SIBLINGS

Sitting up on my bed at midnight, I could sense the heavy breathing of sleep-drowned fellows across the dormitory. For a boy of six, hostel life was quite tough. I missed mom, but thought of my baby brother more; miles away from me, oblivious to my presence, someone was growing up in my old clothes…

**P.S.:- My first try at '55 fiction'.

SHOCKS.....!!!!!

Surprises and shocks…synonymous? Well, sometimes yes, and sometimes no. A friend said, surprises make you happy, shocks leave you stoned. After a long long time, I got a lazy Sunday morning, and I had planned to sleep through it. Instead, I am up sipping a cup of hot and aromatic Darjeeling tea, and thinking of another Sunday, somewhere six years down the timeline.

It was a sunny Sunday morning, and I was at my English coaching class with a bunch of friends. The very idea of attending this coaching was never studying, but hanging out with my best buddies. We would look forward to those two and half hours of uncorrupted fun impatiently for the whole week. As I took my seat, posing to be very serious since our teacher was still in the room, my friend who was seated just beside me opened his fists, which held a candy. He offered it to me. Well. He wasn’t generous enough to offer candies usually, so I was a bit surprised. I snatched it from his hand, contemplating that he might change his mind in seconds. I tore the packet, and put it in my mouth. “It’s a gum”, he said, “chew it”! I crushed it between my teeth, expecting a juicy treat, but lo!!!! I shrieked out loud and closed my mouth as I realized out teacher was sitting just in front of me. We weren’t allowed to eat during the coaching hours, though we always managed to sneak in food, snacks and candies. My face distorted, I couldn’t keep my eyes open as I felt the tangy pang all over my tongue and teeth. It’s a new brand of gums called “Centre Shock”, my friend whispered in my ears, and gave me his signature evil grin.

My teacher frowned and asked, “What is it”?

I made a sorry face and kept staring at her. The tangy pang was now spreading all over my mouth and all I wanted was to spit out that horrendous thing my friend had tricked me into putting in my mouth. My friend, sitting right beside me spoke now: “Ma’am, actually a bug bit her on her you-know-where… and …” the rest of the sentence drowned under a huge fit of laughter from my friends who were sitting around that rectangular table. Now I must say, we were a batch of fifteen odd students who cringed and sat around an eight seater dining table. Our extra strong bond could not make our teacher divide us into two batches. We insisted on taking the coaching together, though it required immense space management skills. But we said we would manage. We would just stick our asses to one corner of the chair in the name of sitting. But all that inconvenience was worth the fun we had there.

Coming back to where we had left, I mean the fit of laughter; I got so mad at my friend for making a joke out of me. But I couldn’t swear at him as I had to keep my mouth shut. There was a turmoil going on inside my mouth and every second was making it worse. My teacher yelled and put their laughter to an end. Then she turned at me and asked, “Oh, dear, is it a bad bite? Is it hurting?” All I could do was nod in acceptance. I could feel tears in my eyes.

She got up, opened a closet and took out a ball of cotton and a bottle of Savlon. Giving it to me, she said, “Here, take this and go to the washroom”.

Washroom, oh yes, the right place, I thought. I couldn’t wait to spit that evil thing out of my mouth. I grabbed the cotton and Savlon and ran to the washroom. As I reached the basin to spit it out, I realized, the electrifying sour taste had turned somewhat sweet by then. In a few more seconds, it turned completely sweet, just like a normal gum, and I was chewing on the gum blissfully. I came back from the washroom after a while, and our teacher was gone from the room after assigning us a few test papers to solve. As I entered, there was a fit of laughter again. The friend who trapped me into the trick had by now narrated the entire episode to the batch, I realized. I boxed his ears before taking my seat and then joined the laughter.

Though the first experience was terrifying, I soon became a great fan of “Center Shock”; in fact, all my friends did. We almost became its brand ambassadors in our small hometown. Our coaching sessions from then on were incomplete without that shocking gum. We went on to fool a lot more people with the gum, and every episode was hilarious, but according to my friends, not as hilarious as my episode. School life soon ended, and so did the coaching sessions. Our English teacher had arranged for a farewell party for us, and in my farewell speech, I narrated this entire incident; and I still remember the look of shock and surprise on my teacher’s face after hearing it out.