Memories Never Cease To Be

"Today I can forget the past,

And sit on the edge of present, Dangling my feet in the eternal void of the future."
Today I can forget about the ridiculed dreams,
And be ridiculously casual.
I can take a moment at a time,
And thank you if you even made one of them worthwhile.
But who knows what horrendous stories
Lurk beyond the cocoon of the present.
I have borne the burden of my self history,
And I will bear the suspense of the future.
The glass is no longer half filled or empty for me,
I have crushed the tumbler,
And seen a part of me in each broken piece.
For I have seen construction, and deconstruction
And I have accepted the mundane cycle.
Objects created, and objects destroyed
And histories that mock your existence in between.
Of hopeless light, and darkness pregnant with expectations:
Life is an oxymoron;
The word, as hopeful, as hopeless the meaning it beholds.
Tonight I take life with a pinch of salt,
Pardoning it for its silly mistakes,
For its stereotyped ideas
For its injustice,
For its malevolence.
For its racism,
For its wrong choices, and its wrong timings.
I have washed my clothes, done my dishes,
I have seen the dirt go down the drain.
Day after day, year after year, and tear after tear,
I have created dirt and washed myself clean of it.
I have seen darkness impregnated with hope,
And I have seen the light kill it every time.

Of eternity, and uncertainty.

My past settles in ashes tonight,

And so will my future someday.

The present is all I have

That could make a difference...

In stories that were created,

And in tales that tomorrow would spin,

I want every page to talk of the life,

The life which nor you or I, but we lived.

LOVE OR LONGING??

I have not crossed oceans for you,

Nor have I bleeded myself to death for you.

But I have shed,

I have shed endless tears for you.

Was it ever love, or was it only longing?

Was it ever the feeling, or was it only yearning?

For I have wanted you through distance,

All I could ever do was long for you,

All I could ever do was yearn for you…

I don’t think I ever got to love you.

You were like the fragrance I could feel around me,

But not once could I hold you close.

You were like a spectre

Which floated in my imaginations…

You were like the mirage in my deserted life.

I have longed for you enough,

But I couldn’t love you ever.

I have cried for you enough,

But I couldn’t bleed for you ever.

And there will be time,

For us to love, for us to bleed,

For us to hurt, and for us to heal.

Today we long, someday we’ll love,

Tonight we yearn, someday we’ll feel.

One day, the clouds will finally pour over our deserted life,

And the rains would wash away the tears.

Till then, I would shed,

Shed endless tears for you.

And one day, I would cross the oceans for you,

And bleed in your love.

One day, we will forget memories,

And create moments.

A SMALL CHEATING...

Let's play hide and seek...
Coz I want to come in search of you,
For I have a feeling I've lost you.
And if you feel you've lost me too, 
I can hide for you as well.
We'll take turns to be the seeker.
You might get to see the corner of my scarf...
You would think I'm a fool, a careless one,
And rush to catch me.
Later when we stop for coffee
You'd tell me I'm bad with games
I'd say I never wanted to be good at them.
Only I would know, that I made you see the scarf
Coz i want to be found...
Found by you...
If you ever got to know that,
Would you say I cheated?
Coz I didn't mean to play games
I only wanted to be found,
Found by you...

YOURS...

AND DEATH IS NOT HOW I WANTED THINGS TO END

BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS WHICH CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH US.

MAYBE THE PAIN WILL GO, BUT THE SCARS WON’T

MAYBE THE MOMENTS WILL PASS, BUT THE MEMORIES WON’T…

YET ANOTHER SPRING AND ANOTHER SUMMER

HAS COME AND GONE IN OUR LIVES.

ITS TIME WE UNLEARN OLD HABITS,

ITS TIME WE DISCARD OLD SHELLS.

ITS TIME WE SEE THE SILVER LINING

HIDDEN BEHIND EVERY DARK CLOUD.

THERE ARE THINGS WE’LL MISS,

THERE ARE TIMES WE’LL CRY

NOTHING COMES EASY, NOT AT LEAST IN LIFE…

BUT DEATH IS NOT HOW I WANTED THINGS TO END

AND ITS TIME I FOUND OUT…

FOUND OUT WHO I AM,

APART FROM BEING “YOURS”.

in poetry...

if i could speak to you in poetry

i would speak of the rustic poems,

that the mango rains and scorching sun

composed for us once upon a time.

when we tiptoed out of home in the afternoon

and ran barefeet unto the meadows

teasing the cows and playing with the herd

our toes playing hide and seek in the grass.

when we chased the sun

and were chased by the moon

we had dreams of running into the horizon...

the chase ended with the day

when the sky grew red 

you wanted to gobble up the sun

you said it would taste like a ripe orange

i cried till you said you would spare it for me.

and i smiled as i believed in you.

blowing of conchshells signalled homecoming

as she welcomed the dusk with oil lamps.

we tiptoed into the house once again

waiting for dawn, and waiting for the chase.

our dusty feet, our eyes full of dreams,

had created poems long back...

only today i would like to recite them all to you,

if i could speak to you in poetry.

incomplete...

Those tattered dreams and scattered memories do taunt

fingers search for the right keys,

but can never strike the perfect note

the tapping of the keyboard,

the disharmony of the piano

words and music flow inadequate

and never accurate.

a heave, a sigh, a new start again...

an eternal try at reaching the perfection

but...for what?

of tears, and songs, and symphonies too short

coz you don't have time for lengthy poems.

a drop of tear to trickle down the cheek...

not two not three.. just a drop.

i sing a song, but suddenly stop.

between my lyrics and my music

i lose the symphony somewhere amidst

my half formed tears, my incomplete songs

my unwritten poems

the care i never showed

were all for lack of time...

time to love, time to know,

and time to care and time to show.

Someday in a different horizon,

when days and nights wud last for long

when you and i have time enough

i will cry all over for you,

i will sing those unsung melodies,

and i will write those poems i promise.

i will show you how much i care.

till then, let my half formed tears, 

my incomplete songs,

and my unwritten poems,

be witness to how incomplete i am without you...

TRANSITION

in joblessness and in gluttony,

in madness and in peace

in losing old ties and forming new ones

in missing home to setting up new homes

in pictures and forgotten promises

in breaking down and in break ups

halts, pauses, stops and ends...

in beginning of days and end of nights

in heat, sweat and contemplation of rain

as soap cases and old bedsheets are left behind

memories peep in from the crumpled sheets

a little bit of that left over perfume

the last drops of the unfinished drinks

a half filled bottle and a half empty room

in late goodbyes and the early goodbye notes

in love, in hatred, in jealousy, in pain...

in empty shelves, and abandoned beds

life is lived in transformation...